Judging from the outside in rather then inside out....
Fair warning>>>> this is a very long post. Also this is my point of view, and I understand that some people may think or believe differently, or may have a comment or question. Just to reiterate as I have said from the beginning this blog is not for sympathy it is for awareness. And please remember comments and opinions are welcome, I just ask please no bashing people for what they might write and believe.
So the literal definition of this phrase is exactly how it sounds, "don't judge a book by the cover." Remembering back to when I was younger shopping at a book store and I know at that time I purchased books based on what the cover looked like and whether or not it had pictures. As I got older, and even now, the books I purchase are based on the title, and the back summary and other peoples reviews. You may walk into a store and see something on a hanger, and it can go either one or two ways, you could judge it by what it looks like on the hanger or you could try it on and see how it looks on you. Sometimes people may be too judgmental and let there eyes make decisions.
Now this phrase is used quite often in the real world. If I judged a person by the way they look I don't think I would have the friends that I have now. Unfortunately their are a lot of people that still do judge a person by the way they look giving no chance to break through that wall. However this is human nature, this is the way we have been raised in America. And by no means am I innocent of this way of thinking, I cant imagine how many people do not do this. But what makes us different is the way we react to what we see and the conclusions we make. I feel that this phrase or "practice" is definitely a "wall" and just another obstacle. In my opinion, it will take along time before this obstacle can by completed. However, I know that I am working really hard to try to get through to any type of person, no matter what they are wearing, what color skin they have, there size and much more, Who you are inside a lot of the time does not translate to what is on the outside. Most people make labels of people before they even meet them. I think the number one reason I am trying to be less judgmental and go beyond sight is because as I have gotten sicker I am often a "victim" of this "practice. BREAKING DOWN THE JUDGEMENTAL WALL OBSTACLE IN PROGRES
As I have gone through this journey over the last ten years, I have personally been affected both positively and negatively by this "practice." People are so used to thinking with their eyes, thinking that if people are sick you can see it. For example, you may see someone bald due to cancer or know someone that has one arm or one leg, however a lot of times illnesses can be "silent". What I mean by "silent" is people having illnesses that may not affect their physical appearance, for example people battling depression or some other emotional disease, Alzheimers, or even alcoholism. People can even be sick without it showing too much on the outside, for example, asthma, allergies, breathing issues, digestive issues, immune deficiencies, and even heart disease. A main example is me. For the last ten years I have been battling a serious illness, however, a lot of times people may not even know that. That is the main problem of using the "judging by a book practice," Nobody can visualize or use their eyes to see what may be going on in the inside.
Who was I and who am I now?
I was the girl that went away to college to get a new start, I have always had a hard time making friends because I am very uncomfortable in social situations and have a large wall I built due to trust issues and heart break. College was full of new things, and at the beginning I did not socialize much, eventually I was pulled in to some really good groups of friends. The people I first met were great, however I also eventually became friends with some of the people that based on appearance I was kinda scared of, however the outside of the box people became my real friends. I also was the girl, people who were with me had 911 readily available to dial. I was the freshman girl that right out of the gate I became known, but not really in a good way. I was the girl that during my 3rd track practice I had to be taken to the hospital because I couldn't breathe. These asthma attacks happened a lot so I had to leave the team and my scholarship. I was the girl that during the 2004 game 7 sox v. Yankees, an ambulance had to be called for me, and today I still remember very clearly. Where I was, there was no TV so I made the RA that was with me go in and out to the waiting room to get me updates of the game. That was my first admission to Lowell general, and definitely not my last. I remember that as soon as we got to my room, TV was on waiting for me :}we got there right in time to see the end :}. I was the girl that was sent to Saints (Lowell hospital) by the training staff dr. because my leg, that they treated as a stress fracture with a boot, got so swollen they feared that I had a blood clot of a tumor. In the end it was just a stress fracture I had probably competed on for years, as in HS. I was told I have shin splints, so the ankle/foot/shin just gave up. So throughout college there were a lot of ambulance rides and what not. My poor mom became very familiar with the Lowell area. Eventually I decided I needed to go home to work on the weekends and here the paramedics, police and fire department became very familiar with me as I was the girl that went into anaphylaxis shock and collapsed very often. I was the girl the metro west medical center knew me by name. Also to the point that one of the paramedics found me on Facebook through a mutual friend. :} I am the girl that became deathly allergic to peanuts and tree nuts as a young adult, after eating peanut butter my entire life. Throughout a 5 year span with my previous company there were many times ambulances had to be called or I would have to be taken to the ER. I was the girl that almost died twice at Red Sox games due to peanuts and also a few other times due to racing to a train causing a non controllable asthma attack. My general point is looking at me during these times you would probably not even know that I was seriously ill. Most of the time in between episodes, although initially I became even thinner then I had been and I was pale, other then that you probably couldn't tell I was so sick.
As this journey has gone on, I have lost a lot of my strength and stamina, I was that girl that when we would go shopping, if available I would use the electric carts. People would look at me and give me dirty looks like I was playing with the cart. Since my illness was mostly internal, I did not look too sick. I would even have people ask me to put the cart back for someone who really needed it. Now I am that girl that no matter where we go, I have to wear a mask and depending on where gloves too. This is for my protection due to how low my counts are and how weak my immune system is. I do not go out much but if I do go shopping I am either being pushed in a wheel chair or using an electric cart. And this is pretty much the conclusion, because when I have my mask and/ or gloves on in a wheel chair or driving a cart people tend to look at me however the stare is more like a sympathetic look rather then a stop fooling around look, like I would get if I don't wear a mask.
I am that girl that no matter what type of stare or comments I get, I keep my head held high and move on! I am that girl in pain every day but I try to not show it on my face. I am that girl that will keep trying to overcome this obstacle of "being judged by the cover." I know that I cant change the way people think and or act, but I certainly can change the way I think and act. OBSTACLE IN PROGRESS SLOW AND STEADY
So the literal definition of this phrase is exactly how it sounds, "don't judge a book by the cover." Remembering back to when I was younger shopping at a book store and I know at that time I purchased books based on what the cover looked like and whether or not it had pictures. As I got older, and even now, the books I purchase are based on the title, and the back summary and other peoples reviews. You may walk into a store and see something on a hanger, and it can go either one or two ways, you could judge it by what it looks like on the hanger or you could try it on and see how it looks on you. Sometimes people may be too judgmental and let there eyes make decisions.
Now this phrase is used quite often in the real world. If I judged a person by the way they look I don't think I would have the friends that I have now. Unfortunately their are a lot of people that still do judge a person by the way they look giving no chance to break through that wall. However this is human nature, this is the way we have been raised in America. And by no means am I innocent of this way of thinking, I cant imagine how many people do not do this. But what makes us different is the way we react to what we see and the conclusions we make. I feel that this phrase or "practice" is definitely a "wall" and just another obstacle. In my opinion, it will take along time before this obstacle can by completed. However, I know that I am working really hard to try to get through to any type of person, no matter what they are wearing, what color skin they have, there size and much more, Who you are inside a lot of the time does not translate to what is on the outside. Most people make labels of people before they even meet them. I think the number one reason I am trying to be less judgmental and go beyond sight is because as I have gotten sicker I am often a "victim" of this "practice. BREAKING DOWN THE JUDGEMENTAL WALL OBSTACLE IN PROGRES
As I have gone through this journey over the last ten years, I have personally been affected both positively and negatively by this "practice." People are so used to thinking with their eyes, thinking that if people are sick you can see it. For example, you may see someone bald due to cancer or know someone that has one arm or one leg, however a lot of times illnesses can be "silent". What I mean by "silent" is people having illnesses that may not affect their physical appearance, for example people battling depression or some other emotional disease, Alzheimers, or even alcoholism. People can even be sick without it showing too much on the outside, for example, asthma, allergies, breathing issues, digestive issues, immune deficiencies, and even heart disease. A main example is me. For the last ten years I have been battling a serious illness, however, a lot of times people may not even know that. That is the main problem of using the "judging by a book practice," Nobody can visualize or use their eyes to see what may be going on in the inside.
Who was I and who am I now?
I was the girl that went away to college to get a new start, I have always had a hard time making friends because I am very uncomfortable in social situations and have a large wall I built due to trust issues and heart break. College was full of new things, and at the beginning I did not socialize much, eventually I was pulled in to some really good groups of friends. The people I first met were great, however I also eventually became friends with some of the people that based on appearance I was kinda scared of, however the outside of the box people became my real friends. I also was the girl, people who were with me had 911 readily available to dial. I was the freshman girl that right out of the gate I became known, but not really in a good way. I was the girl that during my 3rd track practice I had to be taken to the hospital because I couldn't breathe. These asthma attacks happened a lot so I had to leave the team and my scholarship. I was the girl that during the 2004 game 7 sox v. Yankees, an ambulance had to be called for me, and today I still remember very clearly. Where I was, there was no TV so I made the RA that was with me go in and out to the waiting room to get me updates of the game. That was my first admission to Lowell general, and definitely not my last. I remember that as soon as we got to my room, TV was on waiting for me :}we got there right in time to see the end :}. I was the girl that was sent to Saints (Lowell hospital) by the training staff dr. because my leg, that they treated as a stress fracture with a boot, got so swollen they feared that I had a blood clot of a tumor. In the end it was just a stress fracture I had probably competed on for years, as in HS. I was told I have shin splints, so the ankle/foot/shin just gave up. So throughout college there were a lot of ambulance rides and what not. My poor mom became very familiar with the Lowell area. Eventually I decided I needed to go home to work on the weekends and here the paramedics, police and fire department became very familiar with me as I was the girl that went into anaphylaxis shock and collapsed very often. I was the girl the metro west medical center knew me by name. Also to the point that one of the paramedics found me on Facebook through a mutual friend. :} I am the girl that became deathly allergic to peanuts and tree nuts as a young adult, after eating peanut butter my entire life. Throughout a 5 year span with my previous company there were many times ambulances had to be called or I would have to be taken to the ER. I was the girl that almost died twice at Red Sox games due to peanuts and also a few other times due to racing to a train causing a non controllable asthma attack. My general point is looking at me during these times you would probably not even know that I was seriously ill. Most of the time in between episodes, although initially I became even thinner then I had been and I was pale, other then that you probably couldn't tell I was so sick.
As this journey has gone on, I have lost a lot of my strength and stamina, I was that girl that when we would go shopping, if available I would use the electric carts. People would look at me and give me dirty looks like I was playing with the cart. Since my illness was mostly internal, I did not look too sick. I would even have people ask me to put the cart back for someone who really needed it. Now I am that girl that no matter where we go, I have to wear a mask and depending on where gloves too. This is for my protection due to how low my counts are and how weak my immune system is. I do not go out much but if I do go shopping I am either being pushed in a wheel chair or using an electric cart. And this is pretty much the conclusion, because when I have my mask and/ or gloves on in a wheel chair or driving a cart people tend to look at me however the stare is more like a sympathetic look rather then a stop fooling around look, like I would get if I don't wear a mask.
I am that girl that no matter what type of stare or comments I get, I keep my head held high and move on! I am that girl in pain every day but I try to not show it on my face. I am that girl that will keep trying to overcome this obstacle of "being judged by the cover." I know that I cant change the way people think and or act, but I certainly can change the way I think and act. OBSTACLE IN PROGRESS SLOW AND STEADY
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